RAGETHOVEN: A-Minor Threat

This is what I was able to scrounge up from my old email. This movie started in highschool when my advisory took a field trip to the Mall of America. Since I roll with a bunch of poor cut-ups, we spent the entire time imagining an action movie starring Vin Diesel, Lucy Liu, Jackie Chan, Jet-Li, Pamela Anderson, Ving Rhames, Dave Chapelle and various others. It was one of the funniest movie ideas I've ever heard. Better than "Snakes on a Plane."

The set up: Vin Diesel is Rage Thoven, a descendant of Beethoven, and long time concert pianist. His father dies in a piano related accident, causing Rage to become a recluse and move to a secluded cabin, vowing never to play piano again.

Meanwhile, maniacal mall owneer Ving Rhames plans to hold the world hostage by threatening a nuclear attack. His missles are the giant christmas trees on display at the Mall of America every holiday season, (there is also always a grand piano positioned between the two).

Jet-Li and Dave Chappelle run competing cany-stores on the lower level of the mall, (Sweet Treats and Jawbreakers). They have gang shoot outs and confrontations regularly. Jackie-Chan is Jet Li's screwball cousin.

Pamela Anderson plays Ving Rhames' airheaded mistress.

Lucy Liu plays undercover CIA agent working at Hooters on the 4th floor.

The story begins with Rage fighting cyborgs. This will never be explained. He then gets contacted to save the world by the CIA, but can't bring himself to do it because of his past piano catastrophes.

RAGETHOVEN: A MINOR THREAT:

Vin Diesel is attacked by two men wearing pilot uniforms, military style jumpsuits. They are all punching eachother. Then Rage (Vin) throws the two men out of the cargo bay, and they fall through the sky. He jumps out (no parachute) and punches them simultaneusly in mid air, causing them to spin like tops as they fall.

Cut to Rage landing on his feet in a wintery forest scene, crouching down. As he stands up we see behind hime the two spinning attackers hit the ground and explode.

Rage: Hmm (laugh), robots. Rage begins to walk through the woods, ankle deep in snow.

Title rolls with intense ochestra hit "Rage Thoven: A Minor Threat."

We cut back to Rage, walking through the woods, with close shots to his face, and sweeping aerial views of the wintery scene. In the distance, a single log cabin.Right before Rage reaches the cabin, he stops, looks dead at the camera.

Cut to a giant grizzly bear. An intense face off begins, then the bear lunges at Rage, and he wrestles it around the woods. Cut to the bear's head, rages hands around it's neck, choking the bear. As he chokes, overlay piano keys so it looks like his hands are on a piano. Rage freaks out, screams, looks around nervously, and runs into his cabin.

End Scene

Be on the look out for this movie, say... in 2012, when most of these actors haven't had work in years and are willing to be part of a low budget but hilarious movie.