Today's Jokes

Today's joke is a practical joke, which I accidentally played on myself.

Drink 1 pot of coffee.
Study late into the night, and top it off with a bag of microwave popcorn.
Eat half a bowl of cereal before realizing the milk is bad.
Try to hold that down.

Also, I realized I didn't post yesterday's joke. I didn't have one then, and I don't have one now, but here it goes, improv:

Instead of paying social security, I decided just to return all of my Grandma's birthday cards with checks written out for three dollars and fifty cents, with the area for notes filled out "College." I wish I could live in that ideal world where college tuition could be covered selling penny candy. Unfortunately, the last time I went door to door selling candy for school, I was met with much resistance. Apparently, people can't get behind a man's quest for education, who happens to have a beard. It also might've been my only choices were a half-finished bag of Swedish Fish and a Luna bar.

When I was in grade school they used to ask children to fundraise for field trips by handing out catalogs of expensive wrapping paper, chocolate covered nuts in decorative packages, and $45 dollar ornaments of smiling snowmen. If you sold a certain number of nut bags you were rewarded with a yo-yo or maybe a Nerf gun. If you were the top seller you got a 10" television with built in VCR. Not surprisingly, the top earners in our class went on to make great telemarketers, sales reps, and prostitutes.

I was morally opposed to selling myself out on the street, whether it be for wrapping paper or whatever. I was not, however, morally opposed to placing fake orders in my friend's names and then eating the resulting fraud-chocolate.

OK, well, that fizzled out. Whatever.