Today's Joke

Today's joke is brought to you by Tide.

I'm a cornucopia with teeth.

Is the Marshmallow Peep the chicken equivalent of a blow up doll?

What part of the chicken is the nugget by the way? It is my contention that the nugget must either be the soul of the chicken, or a lump of meat above the pancreas.

Speaking of chicken nuggets, have you ever noticed how babies in strollers are experiencing the best part of their lives and don't even know it? I wish I could eat a tupperware container of honey-nut cheerios, wearing oversized sunglasses while someone pushed me around all day. I imagine heaven is an upright hammock which rolls around and you can take naps in the hot sun. I think the first person to market an adult stroller will be shunned, but the second wave will surely catch on. No more wheel chairs. They are passe, and being in one indicates you have some sort of disability. I don't want people to judge my love of seated rolling as a disability, I'd rather they acknowledge it for what it is: I'm lazy. Let's call apples apples.

I wish we could all indulge in our laziness without being pressured to always do something like "get a job" or "do your homework" or "get dressed in the morning." I'm the type of lazy person that will actually spend hours of hard labor crafting devices to facilitate laziness, almost like searching the house for the remote control instead of walking to the TV to change the channel. For instance, I once rigged a hose from my bathroom faucet to my couch, with a clamp on one end, so I could refill my water glass without getting up. Yes, I'm a regular MacGyver. The true innovation is when I skipped the middle man and just fed a catheter into a Britta filter. Let's just say if necessity if the mother of invention, then sloth is the father. Which probably means it was an artificial insemination, because he never got around to it.