Jokes

The following are probably not very funny, most of them don't even have punch-lines. This is the kind of humor you can expect hanging out with me (a few of these are collaborative efforts).

Baby showers are always awkward, because their small hands can never really work a loofa.

At work I ate the last piece of strawberry pie, clearly labeled "Do not eat." Later someone noticed a stain on my shirt. They asked, "What is that?" I said, "Oh, this... is just my blood."

When a lot of my friends can't find the right words, or they are trying to redirect the subject of a conversation, the pause is often followed with: "But... fuckin'... That guy I met last night told me yadda yadda yadda..." If you're having a slow day, the conversation you hear instead is, "Butt-fucking that guy I met last night..."

On that same note, often times people try and stop swearing by replacing a certain word with another, similar sounding word. Example "Fucking --> Friggin." The funny thing then is when someone will not swear with one word but with another. Like "You Friggin Asshole!" The funnier thing is that now you've created another accidental sentence. "You frig an asshole."

These are today's jokes.