ZOMBIES ATTACK

My last 3 Netflix rentals have been zombie movies, which are fucking awesome. Here's what I've watched so far:

I Drink Your Blood


Evil Dead


Night of the Living Dead


These are what I have coming up:
Dawn of the Dead
Day of the Dead
Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn
Army of Darkness
Dead Alive
Zombie
Return of the Living Dead
Return of the Living Dead 2
Land of the Dead
Fido
White Zombie

Zombie movies are fantastic, because it is a movie you can live vicariously through, like any horror film, where you can say "Don't go in there!" or "Oh shit, he's going to die." or "Stop reading the book of shadows asshole!" It makes us believe that we are going to be much better equipped for the Zombie holocust. My first foray into the Zombie genre, as I believe is true of many of my peers, was through the movie "28 Days Later." This is one of my favorite movies of all time. (To be fair since the infected aren't the undead they aren't really zombies, but it's the same concept).



Danny Boyle is a great fucking director. I still haven't seen Slum Dog Millionaire which should probably replace those next Zombie movies at the top of my queue. But I diverge. Zombie movie are fucking awesome.

One of the greatest parts of zombie movies is coming up with a creative reason to why zombies are alive and how they create more zombies. Until the recent creation of the "infecting" zombie created by movies such as 28 Days Later and the remake of Dawn of the Dead, most zombies were brought to life by magic, pure evil, the devil or some sort of space based entity (aliens, radiation, etc).

I Drink Your Blood had the interesting idea of creating zombies by those infected with rabies. Not only were the zombies rabid, but they also belonged to a satanic cult. Double-whammy. This provides a the convieniance of solving both of the fundamental zombie problems: Rabies cause the madness, and rabies is spread through bites, etc.

Night of the Living Dead's zombies are true zombies, who are reanimated through extreme radiation that was caused by a probe sent to venus by NASA. This probe cause those who had recently died (and therefore not decomposed) to seek out human flesh. This is a good solution, because once the zombies have killed and eaten part of a human they too are reanimated and prepared to eat other humans (this also allows for a ghoulish look as most of the zombies have flesh wounds).

The most disappointing reanimation technique for me is magic. It is the least believable and therefore the least scary. I'm never going to worry about the evil woods attacking my friends and turning us into zombies (a la Evil Dead). However, RAGE virus, shit, that's just mutated rabies as far as I'm concerned. Plus those guys aren't sluggish zombies, they're faster than lightning. Apparently if you're a zombie you also become a world class track athlete.

Anyway, I know this post is probably super boring to anyone who isn't obsessed with zombies (and I only know about two people that might be), so I'll leave you with sage advice:

1. Once your loved ones are bitten, kill them. Don't wait to see if they might have immunity to zombie bites. They don't. Bludgeon them in the head, or shoot them in the head.

2. Kill any zombie you see when not being chased. You might say "Oh, he can't see me, I don't want to go out of my way to kill him." But he will bite two, then they both will bite two, then all those will bite two. Now you're dealing with fifteen zombies. See what I mean?

3. Don't read the book of the dead. Really, leave it alone. If you're a book worm just bring Huckleberry Finn to the cabin out in the woods.

4. Don't listen to the radio. One second it will tell you to stay indoors. Then, after you boarded up the house and are surrounded by zombies it will say "Oops, sorry, go to these shelters." Once you've fought through a hoard of zombies, lost half of your team and reached the shelter, it will turn out they were overrun weeks ago. So don't do it.

If anyone feels like watching zombie movies with me (I'm completely serious here) let me know. I am going to be gone for a week but when I return it'll be zombie time, all the time.